Too Hard on Ourselves??

If you've read the stuff on my blog, book, or previous women's e-letter, you know my content is focused on The Potter's molding and shaping of us as His mounds of clay. That process isn't always pretty, but it is my belief that we are in constant need of shaping. Now, I've sometimes been accused of "being too hard on myself," by my own mother, no less! But the bottom line is, I haven't arrived (and I don't think I'm the only one)!

To my mom's point, though, we can become "too hard on ourselves." I believe it's possible to be participating in the journey of becoming like Christ, yet rest in a state of gloom and possibly self-loathing. On this end of the spectrum, we begin to say, "I'll never measure up," "I couldn't possibly please my Heavenly Father," "I fail again and again." It's here we are immobilized to doing the work He's called us to do and it's here our lights are certainly not shining.

On the other end of the spectrum, however, you've got the over-emphasis on self-esteem--a complete satisfaction with who you are, with no notion of your sinful nature that needs taming and no acceptance that the Creator may have some special modifications in mind for your Mary Poppins personality.

Isn't that where Satan wants us to be? If we see no need for God's molding, we remain in our natural unholy state, don't we?

This is what today's culture promotes, in quite an overt manner I might add. Though it is pronounced greatly in secular media, it has quietly seeped into the hallowed halls of the church as well. "God made me who I am..." Yes, indeed, He did. He also told us, "There is none righteous, no not one"(Romans 3:10; Psalm 14:3) He also told us, "He is the Potter and we are His clay" (Isaiah 64:8). He created the distinct characteristics in all of us that He may shape us, within that bent, to be more like Him...if we are pliable.

That brings us to balance. Balance is where we recognize we are, in fact, wretched sinners in need of saving grace. We realize it's only through the ongoing work of the Holy Spirit that "we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit" (2 Corinthians 3:18). Balance is also a place where we recognize God has told us to, "Be joyful always" (1 Thes. 5:16). A place where Jesus has called us "The light of the world. A city on a hill..." (Matt. 5:14).  He made His light shine in our hearts (2 Cor. 4:6). Though we are being transformed, we must do that with our lights on. I can be aware of my wretchedness without Christ, yet still shine for His glory, acknowledging it's His power at work in me (Col. 1:29) that produces anything of value.

A Work in Progress

Let me tell you a little story about myself. When I was five years old, I came home from the first day of kindergarten crying and very frustrated because we did not learn to read that day. I tell you the story because it provides an accurate picture of my personality to this day. I like results and I like them yesterday. As you can imagine, I’ve spent much of my life battling disappointment and frustration.

God has decided to press me on this issue this year. And as I’ve been squeezed and stretched, I think He wants me to understand that I am not a failure, but a work in progress. I want instant master piece, He wants progress.

He’s laid out for us a picture of the most excellent wife in Scripture. I read it, I embrace it, and I want to be her—the most excellent wife…now! He says, “Slow down. I need to squeeze you, and stretch you, and mold you into the most excellent wife.” I get discouraged and feel hopeless; yet He feels loving, merciful, and hopeful. He knew, before I was born, that I would be a work in progress.

As a wife, many days I feel hopeless about my progress. I wonder how I can know the right thing to do, and neglect (or stubbornly fight) doing it. I know that my tone of sarcasm instead of honor gets me nowhere with my husband, but I let snippy words come out. I should have made greater gains in resisting the SALE signs by now, but again, I’ve given in to those beautiful red and white letters. Ahh! I want instant results!

But, God wants a few achievable things from you and me. He desires us to be:

·         PLIABLE ~ Isaiah 64: 8 says, “Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” (see also 2 Corinthians 4:7-18) A pliable heart is one that’s ready for God to do a work. It’s a heart that’s soft toward His sometimes challenging molding and shaping.

·         PATIENT ~ Isaiah 30:18 says, “Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” (see also Psalm 27:13-14; Psalm 40:1-3; Isaiah 40:30-31) He is faithful to complete the work, even when at times it seems to us He’s given up. He pushes us gently, and sometimes slowly, toward the picture of the most excellent wife He’s designed.

·         PERSISTENT ~ James 1:4 says, “Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (see also 1 Peter 4:19; Hebrews 10:35-39; Psalm 119:145-149) Keep running to Him. Feelings of failure can become bondage. Don’t let the enemy steal your hope. You are God’s work—His progress—not your own.

God is forming you into His masterpiece!

An Unachievable Standard

In a great effort to bring revival to our parenting skills, my husband and I were reading through a terrific child training book entitled, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, by Tedd Trip. A repetitive theme throughout the texts’ message was the importance of exhorting our children to turn to Christ for the strength and power to accomplish character change in their lives. The author pointed out how our flesh always wants to win the battle of temptation, obviously. He went on to say—and this is the thought that really struck me—that in parenting, if we reduce God’s standard for our children, thinking it is simply too difficult to accomplish and therefore reducing the standard to one they are more able to keep, then what we’re essentially doing is providing a standard where knowing and trusting God is not essential. Let me say that in another way to ensure it sinks in: We are unable to keep God’s standard in our mere humanness. However, reducing His standard to make it more achievable only discredits our need for God. Instead we must hold our children (and, as I will further pursue, ourselves) to God’s standard, which is only achievable through His strength and the gift of His grace, ensuring our complete and utter need for Him.

That is shepherding. That’s what God wants our children to embrace through our training, and that is what I know He wants us to embrace in our own adult lives.

As a woman seeking to become a wife of noble character, Proverbs 31 is an unachievable goal in your humanness, is it not? So, do we reduce the standard—God’s standard—to mold it into one we can actually keep? Rhetorical questions that I am, however, going to answer with an emphatic, NO! God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His standards are the same yesterday, today, and forever. He doesn’t want the standard to change. He wants our reliance on Him to grow. He wants us to grow in the grace and knowledge of Him. By modifying the standard, we reduce our need for His strength and grace, and we are in desperate need of both!

It is my desire, in honoring my Savior and my husband, to “bring [my husband] good, not harm, all the days of my life” (Proverbs 31:12, NIV). I certainly set out to meet my husband’s needs and build him up, as a Godly helpmeet to him. I am unable. If I seek to accomplish this task in my own strength, I fail. If I seek to accomplish this task by reducing what is required to succeed, I fail. Instead, I pray as Paul prayed for the Ephesians, “…out of His glorious riches He may strengthen [me] with power through His Spirit in [my] inner being” (Ephesians 3:16, NIV). I believe, as Paul confirmed, “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13, NIV). I receive, as Paul did from the Lord, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV).

Our job is to be a humble, pliable, willing vessel. It’s God’s job to mold us and make us into the treasures He has purposed for us to be. God says, “I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?” (Jeremiah 32:27, NIV). Your inability to be a wife of noble character is not the task that is all of the sudden too hard for the Lord. It has always been and will always be too hard for you. He just requires you to be a willing vessel. And when, in your humanness, you fail, you then need His grace. Accept it, stand up, and offer yourself to Him as a willing vessel again.

The Lord’s standard is great. His expectation is, therefore, that you rely on His strength and grace to grow in your character and meet His standard. As you commit your ways to such a goal, remember, “it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose” (Philippians 2:13, NIV).